Marichit Garcia's post on her Ink & Water page (see link below) about jumping from one pool into another is so eloquent, as usual. Like music. My knee-jerk reaction is to share it on my personal Facebook page, but I hesitate, because most people there wouldn't 'get it'. They aren't used to that type of communication, not on my page or from me personally.
And that got me thinking...
The way all my creative tribe write and express themselves is the way I have always talked to myself in my head. But that's not how words come out of my mouth. The life of my soul has to be translated into another language for the 'normal' people I interact with. Translated or hidden altogether.
Today, I realized that I'm two different people. And I have been pretty much my entire life. The artistic and eloquent automatically translated before it ever leaves my head.
There's a memory from when I was eight or nine years old and we had free time in class. I was drawing and coloring some crazy abstract thing full of swirling lines and another girl asked me why I was coloring 'that way'. I explained my idea, which was making patterns within each section. By changing the direction of the crayon strokes I could make a pattern within a pattern. She looked at me with a blank stare and said, "But why are you coloring that way?"
"Never mind" I replied, realizing she wasn't ever going to understand. So, I quickly learned to 'dumb down', translate, become the generally accepted version of normal. I got tired of saying 'nevermind'. Most of the people in my life only see the parts of me that don't require explanation or translation.
I wear an entirely different skin most of the time. I don't dislike the other skin. I've known her for a long time now. She's fun-loving and smart-assed and drinks too much tequila.
I don't mind being her. After all these years that skin fits well. But it's nice being part of a creative, accepting community where I can shed the mundane and write stuff like this. Where I can be magical and eloquent. Where I don't ever have to say 'never mind'.
Oh Bravo and Brava and Brave enough. You are always eloquent and magical even when you don't speak! Just glad that I get to hear/read it becasue that makes me special too.
ReplyDeleteLove to you !
Shalagh
It took me many years to learn to filter. I still slip quite often, but it is good...the boys get to see more authenticity that way. Well said!
ReplyDeleteWell said that woman! We all have different faces that come out at different times to suit the audience and to 'get things done', but it can be tiring for long periods of time when it's just not who you really are.
ReplyDeleteThis is Tig by the way ;)
Delete