Friday, April 22, 2016

Promise?

I don't want to make a promise
To myself
That I might not be able to keep. 
A lifetime of wanting and waiting
Has hardened my heart
For dreams. 
And so, I go on. 
Holding nothing too close. 
Nothing too dear. 
Nothing...
For myself. 
Just one step after another
Along an untended path. 
Avoiding the stones that would trip me. 
I will not fall. I will walk on. 
Without promises. 

-kjsmith 

Thursday, April 21, 2016

To Know Me ...

    Inspired by my lovely friend Jane Barry at "That Curious Love of Green", today, just for fun, I will answer the Proust Questionnaire. Ready? Let's go!



1.) What is your idea of perfect happiness?

      Answer: I would have to be making a good living as a writer. Having my days to myself to spend as I wish with no demands on me other than those I'd choose myself.

2.) What is your greatest fear?

     A: Dying before I'm done living...if being done is even possible. There's always more.

3.) What is the trait you most deplore about yourself?

       A: I tend to procrastinate.

4.) What is the trait you most deplore in others?

       A: Arrogance and self-righteousness.

5.) Which living person do you most admire?

       A: Anyone who has the courage to live their dream, to make it happen.

6.) What is your greatest extravagance?

       A: I'm fairly self-indulgent but not sure any of those indulgences would be considered an extravagance...since I have to come up with something I'd have to say books. E-Books specifically.

7.)What is your current state of mind?

       A: Waiting. All my life, waiting.

8.) What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

       A: Temperance, restraint, restriction...I'm an "all or nothing" kind of girl.

9.) On what occasion do you lie?

       A: I am brutally honest, but will tell a fib to spare someone's feelings on occasion.

10.) What do you most dislike about your appearance?

     A: Only the aging of it.

11.) Which living person do you most despise?

       A: No one specific. Politicians in general.

12.) What is the quality you most like in a man?

       A: Humor.

13.) What is the quality you most like in a woman?

       A: Confidence.

14.) Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

       A: "I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!"

15.) What or who is the greatest love of your life?

       A: Myself. My SELF. Not in an arrogant way, but in the way that means I'm content with who I am.


16.) When and where were you happiest?

       A: Hard to say. I don't think I've ever been fully "happy". I've always been very content at the ocean.


17.)Which talent would you most like to have?

       A: I'd like to have a talent for organization. I have the desire, but not the conviction.

18.)If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

       A: I'd be thinner. I suppose that's something I could change though. Haha.


19.) What do you consider your greatest achievement?

       A: There are two...escaping the influence of my family and deciding I could actually do this writing thing.


20.) If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?

       A: I'd like to comeback as an idea. As a spark in someone's heart. A fire in someone's soul. I'd like to be the inspiration for someone else to achieve what they dream. That little voice that says, "Do it!".


21.) Where would you most like to live?

       A: I'd settle for anywhere on the windswept, rocky coast on either side of the Atlantic.

22.) What is your most treasured possession?

       A: Technology. Specifically, the USB memory stick that holds my book, the iPhone that holds my daily life and the laptop that holds the world.


23.) What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

       A: Being sick and not being able to do a damn thing about it because you simply don't have the money.

24.) What is your favorite occupation?

       A: Reading, writing, thinking, listening to music.


25.) What is your most marked characteristic?

       A: Honesty. I'm very blunt. 

26.) What do you value most in your friends?

       A: Loyalty. Not something I've seen much lately.


27.) Who are your favorite writers?

       A: It changes from time to time, but let's say...Charlotte Bronte, Agatha Christie, Amy Tan, Hugh Howey, Ursula K.LeGuin, Stephen King. I'm currently in LOVE with books by Susanna Kearsley, JD Nixon, JC Phelps, and Denise Grover Swank.

28.) Who is your hero of fiction?

       A: I'm particularly fond of the strong female characters written by Nixon, Phelps and Swank, noted above.


29.) Which historical figure do you most identify with?

       A: I honestly can't think of any one particular figure I identify with specifically. Maybe some ancient Celtic warrior queen.


30.) Who are your heroes in real life?

       A: Anyone who fights for their life, literally or figuratively.


31.) What are your favorite names?

     A: I agonized over the characters names in my book. Of those, my favorites are Samantha Goodbit and Bluesky Chote.


32.) What is it that you most dislike?

       A: Liars, bad drivers, snow, and housework.

33.) What is your greatest regret?

     A: This sounds corny, but I don't regret anything I've ever done. I regret things I haven't done...and one of those was not being able to say goodbye to a dying friend, though the situation was out of my control.


34.) How would you like to die?

       A: Painlessly, in my sleep, after a long day of laughing my ass off with friends.


35.) What is your motto?

        A: "Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep 'em on a leash". Thanks Hozier! :)


     So there it is! Me, in a 35 question nutshell. I think this would be a fun thing to do every year, just to reevaluate who you think you are.


Thanks for reading and check out the link to Jane's blog below.

http://thatcuriousloveofgreen.com/2016/04/21/i-take-the-proust-questionnaire/





Sunday, April 10, 2016

Wallflower

She divides herself 
And hides herself
From the reminders 
Of all she cannot have. 
She stays apart from 
The laughter. 
Not privy to the jokes
And banter. 
She stands on the wall
And waits. 
All dressed up with nowhere to go. 
Everybody's friend. 
Nobody's concern. 
She contains herself. 
Entertains herself
With doodles on the page
Where words should be.
-kjsmith 

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Church

I don't need a ritual
To teach me how to worship
All the worthy things in the world. 
No god to teach me to love. 
I know these things already.
In my bones, my blood. 
My soul. 
No devil owns me. 
No angel watches. 
I walk the path on my own. 
Unencumbered 
By historical interpretation. 
Enlightened
By my own instinct. 



Saturday, April 2, 2016

Such characters

     Characters come to me almost daily. Sometimes they sneak up on me at the grocery store, tap on my shoulder, say a shy hello. Other times they bust down the front door and punch me in the face. 

     I write these characters immediately as I stumble over them. Just a quick scene, short paragraph, sometimes a poem. Getting them on the page, in some form, is important. They may not end up in any finished project, but at least they've had their day in the sun and I have them here for future reference. 

So today, I'll show you these two...

***

Vivian:

She was one of those Coco Chanel ladies...you know the type..."You can never be too rich or too thin". 
She was 'old' money. Straight tweed skirts with Ferragamo flats, cashmere twinset and a Hermes scarf tied snug against her neck.  Her hair was done in an elegant bob that she kept tucked neatly behind her pearl studded ears. She owned a brownstone on Chestnut Street, and a cottage on Martha's Vineyard with weathered cedar shingles and a crushed shell driveway. 

She preferred the Vineyard. She was alone there usually, her friends having deserted her after the divorce. There was no one left to judge her, so she'd sit out on her lawn watching the waves come in to shore and she'd drink beer straight from the bottle and then belch really loud. 

***
This one came in a poem: 

No Halo

You know her. 
Or, at least, her type. 
The one whose smiles
Hide daggers. 
Whose bitterness lingers
At the bottom of the glass. 
That last sip of cheap-ass wine. 

She pretends to be
The blue eyed angel
Serene and benevolent
But there's no halo
No wings.
Unless bitches fly. 
The last time I checked, they don't. 

Most people see the best
But I cannot. 
My intuition, this x-ray vision
Lays her truth open to the sun 
Her righteous superiority exposed. 
She smiles sweet evil and it's 
The last lie she tells.


Thanks for reading!